Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A day at at time

"You're lucky," my friend told me as we walked out of class one day. "You get the best of both worlds; you get to have a relationship without actually having to deal with someone. You get to go out alone and not actually be alone." Weeks, later, these words still confuse me. Why would anyone choose to be alone? How could it be seen as ideal to be in a relationship with someone, but not actually ever see them? I know we are still young, and some people may encourage going out and having fun and meeting as many people as you can, but when you have met someone who truly has changed your life, why would you want to keep looking for someone else?

My soldier is sick. He could only get up and send me a two line email, which is not like him at all. "Sorry I couldn't call tonight. I've been in bed all day. Just wanted to say hi and tell you how much I love you." Simple words like this mean more to me than I ever thought possible. It breaks my heart knowing he is feeling so sick and so weak he can't even make it out of bed. I wish so much that I could be with him to take care of him. I want to reach out and hold him, rub his back, do anything I can to make him feel better. It pains me to think he is out there feeling bad and he is probably having to fight through it and fend for himself when it comes to medicine and proper care. I'm sure it is nothing more than a simple cold, but nothing ever seems to be as simple there as it is here.

I am so glad today is the first day of March. We started off with the little things: counting days we were apart, then weeks, now months. Months. When you put it in that perspective, I can't help but have a twinge of disappointment when I think of how much he will miss. Last month he missed Valentine's day and the passing of my great-uncle and a falling out with a good friend. This month he will miss a big birthday of mine, my spring break, and countless other times I will want him here with me. Next month may have so much more on the horizon. But for now, I will take it a day at a time until we are at another week, another week until another month has passed and another month until he will finally be with me again. I can't wait for that day. I keep holding on for that day.


  1. Cate,

    I remember hearing the EXACT same thing from a friend and I never got the thought process behind it either. I am very glad it is the first of March as well! Another month down. Keep holding on!

  2. It seems that our friends forget how to have a filter on their mouths sometimes. They forget sometimes that we aren't alone by choice, and they forget how horrible being alone can feel. Congrats on making it another month!