Wednesday, February 29, 2012

To let it slip

Roughly two years before Sweet Boy and I started dating, he was hurt overseas. He was dating another girl at the time, but we were still friends and kept up with each other. I found out through Facebook that he was hurt. When I first read the news, I sat there stunned on my bed. It felt like a knife went through my chest. I couldn't breathe. I ran downstairs, crying, to look for my mom and I sat there, by my computer and my phone, waiting for more news.

When Sweet Boy and I were preparing for our first deployment, he sat me down and told me all about what would happen if something was to happen to him overseas. He explained the whole process; there would be a "communication blackout" and then a car would pull up to his parents' house (who were living in a whole different area and timezone as me) and they would be informed about what happened. I would then be notified. We then proceeded to talk about details of his memorial service and what he wanted people to do or say. He told me he wanted to make sure I was taken care of and told me of all the things he was going to leave me. I was 20 years old. Talk about growing up. Here I was, just beginning to fall in love with the boy sitting across the table from me, and we were talking about his possible funeral details.
Thankfully, none of the information from that conversation was ever used. Hopefully it never will be.

I was always prepared for that knock on my door. I was always prepared for the possibility that some day I would be confronted by two men who would tell me the devastating news. I was not prepared, however, to find out something via text or Facebook, which is what one army wife had to face recently (that article can be found here). It breaks my heart that she had to find out this life-changing news about her husband through a text message, and then again on Facebook. What happened? What went wrong here? How did this information leak out before the family was notified?
There was a breakdown somewhere - with another wife. This is a case where people are obviously way too 'involved' that they can't think to keep their mouths shut. This young wife, only a few months older than myself, was not notified the proper and decent way that her husband was killed. What the other wives should have been doing, instead of texting or updating their statuses, is praying for the wife that just lost her husband, the mother who just lost her son. We get so caught up in all the extra stuff in life that we forget what is truly important; other people. I will pray for Megan Born and her family and I ask that you will, too. Don't let this mistake happen again. Don't let tragic news be found out in a more devastating way than the news itself.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Long distance love

As humans, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. A game of 'who has it better/worse' often comes into play when we hear of other's joys or sorrows. We try to think of how the story applies to us, how we would react in a similar situation.
I've said it many times, this long distance relationship isn't for everyone. It is a struggle. It is a battle within its self. It is hard, it is taxing.
People ask me a lot how I am okay with not seeing or talking to Sweet Boy for extended amounts of time. The answer is simple: I'm not. Im not okay with the fact that there are often times we don't even have a countdown ready for the next time we will see each other. There are many nights, and days upon days, where I sit with my phone in my lap, not knowing if he will call tonight. And if he does call, I wonder how quickly he will start to fall asleep on the phone. But the truth is, I wouldn't care if he worked so much he wasn't able to call me for a month, as long as I knew he was eventually coming back into my arms.
I think it makes it a lot moe difficult when there aren't many people around you in your similar situation. This is why I blog, even though I've been slacking a lot recently. I still yearn for that companionship and understanding I find on here. Some of you have led me through some tough times. You know who you are, and I am forever grateful.
It's always hard to compare yourself to someone else. You never know how they are going to take it. The most sincere words can be taken as degrading. I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, whose husband is deployed, and there she was, asking how my boy was doing. And I did the stupid thing of starting to complain to her how I haven't seen Sweet Boy in a month and I hardly talk to him and so on. What I was complaining about was NOTHING in comparison to what she was dealing with and yet, there she was, willing to listen. And she told me words that ring so true. "It doesnt matter if you are apart for a year, a month, or a night. Being apart still sucks." How brilliant. It does not matter where you are; if you are alone and missing someone, it can knock you down to the floor until you just can't take it anymore. It hurts, and often times (especially in this li style) it can be very scary. We must take every day in stride and know that one day, one bright and glorious day, distance will be a thing of the past.
Just remember, distance is not for the faint of heart. We are all warriors in this life, just not always fighting the same battle. It is how we handle these trials and hardships that really defines our life and our relationship.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Adjustment Periods

I've come to realize that the army life is all about making adjustments. Sweet Boy is at yet another school these days. It's not uncommon for him to get home and call me at 9:30 and then he's off to bed at 10:15 to start a new day. It is frustrating to say the least. But I have to keep reminding myself that this is not how it normally is. That a friend of mine had to send her husband off for a month long training. That I can still talk to Sweet Boy every day which is a million times better what we went through a few months ago. I'm just ready for something to feel normal. Between his work and classes and my work and planning for the wedding, Sweet Boy and I hardly have time for each other. But I guess seeing him once a month is better than nothing. We have a deadline of when this will all end and it is getting closer every day. I can't wait to marry the man of my dreams in a few short months. I can't wait to start our lives together....I'm even willing to let the army take him away every now and then, as long as he always comes back home to me.