Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The essence of Us

It's no secret that I haven't written in awhile. I've missed it. I missed the connection I felt with people who were in my similar situation. I missed sharing my journey with people who truly understood me. But recently, I've fallen out of touch. Just floating around, not sure of my direction. Not sure of where I am. Not sure of where I stand. Then I got two comments from two new followers who put me back on track; put things in a new perspective.

Sweet Boy and I have been going through a rough spot lately. It's hard to explain it all. We've lost touch of each other. We fight more. And it isn't even about anything important. It's just fussing to fuss. We've been going through the motions of planning the wedding: working on the guest list, registering, finding the right invitations, discussing flowers and dresses. In all of that, it is hard to remember what is truly important; us.

He's been working a lot. My parents and I went to see him this weekend and he stayed at work until after 10 on Friday night and had to work until 1 on Saturday. We left right after lunch Sunday. The 5 hour drive was hardly worth it for all of us. We were all wanting to spend time with him and no one wanted to compromise. We were practically stepping over one another to get time with him.

After one long phone call this week, we sat back and examined our lives, both together and separately. We talked about why it was that we were fighting. Why neither one of us felt like a priority anymore. How did we fall into this rut so deep that by the time we noticed it, it was over our heads?

But we worked it out. And we are still working on it. Every day. Things still aren't perfect, but we are working on it. We both had things to work on. That was the most important thing to realize.
Now he calls me when he gets a break from work. We say 'I love you' each time before we hang up the phone; that's a huge change. We talk on the phone and try to tell each other about our day, and not just say things like 'it was dumb' or 'work sucked' but actually talked about it. We're working on things. They aren't perfect, but at least we are trying to make it better. I just miss him....and who we were.

I'm going up to see him again this weekend. I need to see him and spend time with just him. I honestly don't remember the last time we spent more than an hour together...just the two of us. Living at home has taken a toll on us. His work schedule has taken a toll on us. Planning this wedding for 14 months has taken a toll on us. We need to get back to the essence of us. We need to remember why we fell in love with each other. I'm ready to get things back on track. I'm ready to have my best friend back.

Monday, March 19, 2012


What a difference a year makes.

A year ago today, my boyfriend was overseas. I was about to stay at a house three of my friends and I rented on the beach in Charleston, South Carolina and was thrilled to have a break away from the deployment woes. They still followed me around, but they weren't so bad once I had all my friends and family with me. Luckily, the Deployment gods were nice enough to us that Sweet Boy got to call me and instant message my phone for hours that day. And when I got home, there was an iPad and new pearl earrings waiting from me from my love.

Today, I babysat and will meet with my friends tonight for dinner. But thankfully, I was woken up by Sweet Boy's phone call and I didn't have to sit around wondering if I would hear from him at all today. I love having him  back and knowing that he is safe. And I'm glad there is no potential of me crying myself to sleep tonight.

Yes, what a difference a year makes.

Happy birthday to me!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

To let it slip

Roughly two years before Sweet Boy and I started dating, he was hurt overseas. He was dating another girl at the time, but we were still friends and kept up with each other. I found out through Facebook that he was hurt. When I first read the news, I sat there stunned on my bed. It felt like a knife went through my chest. I couldn't breathe. I ran downstairs, crying, to look for my mom and I sat there, by my computer and my phone, waiting for more news.

When Sweet Boy and I were preparing for our first deployment, he sat me down and told me all about what would happen if something was to happen to him overseas. He explained the whole process; there would be a "communication blackout" and then a car would pull up to his parents' house (who were living in a whole different area and timezone as me) and they would be informed about what happened. I would then be notified. We then proceeded to talk about details of his memorial service and what he wanted people to do or say. He told me he wanted to make sure I was taken care of and told me of all the things he was going to leave me. I was 20 years old. Talk about growing up. Here I was, just beginning to fall in love with the boy sitting across the table from me, and we were talking about his possible funeral details.
Thankfully, none of the information from that conversation was ever used. Hopefully it never will be.

I was always prepared for that knock on my door. I was always prepared for the possibility that some day I would be confronted by two men who would tell me the devastating news. I was not prepared, however, to find out something via text or Facebook, which is what one army wife had to face recently (that article can be found here). It breaks my heart that she had to find out this life-changing news about her husband through a text message, and then again on Facebook. What happened? What went wrong here? How did this information leak out before the family was notified?
There was a breakdown somewhere - with another wife. This is a case where people are obviously way too 'involved' that they can't think to keep their mouths shut. This young wife, only a few months older than myself, was not notified the proper and decent way that her husband was killed. What the other wives should have been doing, instead of texting or updating their statuses, is praying for the wife that just lost her husband, the mother who just lost her son. We get so caught up in all the extra stuff in life that we forget what is truly important; other people. I will pray for Megan Born and her family and I ask that you will, too. Don't let this mistake happen again. Don't let tragic news be found out in a more devastating way than the news itself.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Long distance love

As humans, we have a tendency to compare ourselves to others. A game of 'who has it better/worse' often comes into play when we hear of other's joys or sorrows. We try to think of how the story applies to us, how we would react in a similar situation.
I've said it many times, this long distance relationship isn't for everyone. It is a struggle. It is a battle within its self. It is hard, it is taxing.
People ask me a lot how I am okay with not seeing or talking to Sweet Boy for extended amounts of time. The answer is simple: I'm not. Im not okay with the fact that there are often times we don't even have a countdown ready for the next time we will see each other. There are many nights, and days upon days, where I sit with my phone in my lap, not knowing if he will call tonight. And if he does call, I wonder how quickly he will start to fall asleep on the phone. But the truth is, I wouldn't care if he worked so much he wasn't able to call me for a month, as long as I knew he was eventually coming back into my arms.
I think it makes it a lot moe difficult when there aren't many people around you in your similar situation. This is why I blog, even though I've been slacking a lot recently. I still yearn for that companionship and understanding I find on here. Some of you have led me through some tough times. You know who you are, and I am forever grateful.
It's always hard to compare yourself to someone else. You never know how they are going to take it. The most sincere words can be taken as degrading. I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, whose husband is deployed, and there she was, asking how my boy was doing. And I did the stupid thing of starting to complain to her how I haven't seen Sweet Boy in a month and I hardly talk to him and so on. What I was complaining about was NOTHING in comparison to what she was dealing with and yet, there she was, willing to listen. And she told me words that ring so true. "It doesnt matter if you are apart for a year, a month, or a night. Being apart still sucks." How brilliant. It does not matter where you are; if you are alone and missing someone, it can knock you down to the floor until you just can't take it anymore. It hurts, and often times (especially in this li style) it can be very scary. We must take every day in stride and know that one day, one bright and glorious day, distance will be a thing of the past.
Just remember, distance is not for the faint of heart. We are all warriors in this life, just not always fighting the same battle. It is how we handle these trials and hardships that really defines our life and our relationship.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Adjustment Periods

I've come to realize that the army life is all about making adjustments. Sweet Boy is at yet another school these days. It's not uncommon for him to get home and call me at 9:30 and then he's off to bed at 10:15 to start a new day. It is frustrating to say the least. But I have to keep reminding myself that this is not how it normally is. That a friend of mine had to send her husband off for a month long training. That I can still talk to Sweet Boy every day which is a million times better what we went through a few months ago. I'm just ready for something to feel normal. Between his work and classes and my work and planning for the wedding, Sweet Boy and I hardly have time for each other. But I guess seeing him once a month is better than nothing. We have a deadline of when this will all end and it is getting closer every day. I can't wait to marry the man of my dreams in a few short months. I can't wait to start our lives together....I'm even willing to let the army take him away every now and then, as long as he always comes back home to me.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

I am always blown away by how wonderful Sweet Boy truly is.

Today was one of "those" days. You know the kind. I hardly slept at all last night because my dog thought it was a good idea for him to sleep in bed with me. Every time I moved, he moved. Then he'd get hot so he'd come out from the covers. Just as I started to fall back asleep, he'd get cold and crawl back under the sheets with me. All night long it was like this.
I was running on what felt like 2.5 hours of sleep and of course work was a madhouse.Who would've thought a kid's clothing store would be so stressful? I didn't sit down all day. I seriously had one lady call and ask me the same thing 4 times. Really? And we had people come in right before we closed and wanted to buy all these outfits for all 5 of her grandkids. We didn't get out until like 45 minutes after we were supposed to.
And then I got home and noticed my dress had been on backwards the. whole. day.

Yep, it was one of those days.

But tomorrow I will be back in the arms of my soldier and spending a few days together with him getting stuff done for the wedding! And right now, we are Skyping to decide what we should wear in our engagement session. He always knows how to make my day so much better.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Adventures on the Horizon

It's a new year and I am getting used to my new challenges and surroundings. The wedding plans are in full swing. I've gotten settled back into living with my parents again (maybe a little too settled...). I'm working all the time. I babysit almost every day I have off. I have a lot going on. I'm stressed, but I am handling it.
On top of all the stress and excitement that makes up my life today, Sweet Boy and I have started thinking about buying a house. Buying a house! When did we get so old? So now we are looking at furniture, paint colors, floor plans...all while planning the wedding. And I guess it makes sense. We can't be married and living together in my parent's house or in his room on post. We have to think about life after the wedding, but sometimes it can be a little overwhelming.
I'm nervous about moving up there. I hardly know any one. I don't know my way around post, much less around town. The only time I ever moved to a new town was when I went off to college. I was always surrounded by people; between my two roommates I shared one room and bathroom with, all my classes, and the constant events they had for freshmen, it was hard to find time when I wasn't completely surrounded by people. How am I supposed to go and make new friends in this new town? And how am I supposed to do it when Sweet Boy isn't there?
I am very excited about this new adventure, and I am excited to take it head-on with Sweet Boy, but part of me can't help but freak out. I don't know how to find a grocery store. I don't know where the "good part" of town is. I know three street names. I don't even know where the Chick-Fil-A is. It will be quite the adventure, but I cant wait.

However, if anyone has any tips as to how I should go about meeting new people or getting used to my new post or any suggestions, I'm open to it!