Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Happy Birthday

Sweet Boy.
I hope to celebrate
at least
65 more birthdays
with you.

I love you.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Words still hurt

I'm still trying to adjust to living back at home, but so far it hasn't been too bad. Thankfully everyone else is home for Christmas break and I am spending a lot of time with people I haven't seen in years...some since graduation. Weird. And I'm also back at work and trucking right along there...trying to figure out how everything works since apparently they changed basically every technology and policy since I've left. That and being on my feet all day every day isn't too fun...but the paycheck is.

We were hoping Sweet Boy would have a 4-day weekend and would be able to come home, but they needed him to stay up there. Needless to say, I was pretty upset, but I had to keep in mind that he is home safe and that's really all I could ask for.

This week, I had an encounter with a coworker of mine. I won't go into too much detail about it since I've decided to let it go, but she still says stuff that bothers me. Here's the brief version:
The Wounded Warrior hospital is a little over an hour or so from where I live. A coworker of mine decided we should give away some little toys and outfits to the families who have children and are going to be stuck there for Christmas (I work at a little children's boutique). As she was gathering things to give away, she began telling me all these horrible stories of the families there. Things about how terribly it can rip apart your family. She went on to tell me how younger people get married and they just think about right then and there, not about what the possible outcomes could be and how they aren't really thinking about how their husbands may get hurt and then they have to deal with them when they get back.
Then she went on to tell me how it doesn't matter anyway since the war is over now that they are out of Iraq. 
I just didn't know what to say, so I walked off. I was heartbroken. I was mad. I was so many emotions all at once. It was all I could do not to break down and cry in the middle of the store.

When I agreed to marry Sweet Boy, I did it knowing the possible outcomes. When I sent him off to war when we first started dating, I knew it was a possibility he may not make it home the same man, or make it home at all. I know the consequences. I am well aware of the hardships we may face as a young couple, but I am willing to do it because of the love that I have in my heart for Sweet Boy; stronger than any love I could imagine.
But the war is not over. It may be ending, but it isn't over. Sweet Boy is lucky enough to be home, but that's more than I can say for many of his friends. He's here while they are all gone, and he is having a hard time with that. He called me yesterday and told me how they had to practice a mock funeral in case something should happen. It gave me chills just thinking about what this meant; could he be in one of his friend's funerals any time soon? One of our friends? I can't imagine what was going through his head.

I'm so glad Sweet Boy is home, safe, and will see me for 18 hours starting tonight. I pray for all the families who aren't so lucky and I hope they will all make it back home safely to celebrate many, many more Christmases with their families.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Back on Track

Finals are done and I am now moved back home. It hasn't really hit me yet. It just feels like a long weekend. People were so busy with finals I didn't even get to tell half of my friends good-bye.

But the good news is, I bought my wedding dress this week! My mom and maid of honor went with me and we tried on all these dresses. We thought I was going in there to buy a dress that I had already tried on a few months ago but wasn't ready to buy yet. Well....I decided to try other stuff on "just in case" and then I got all confused about which dress I liked the most. Until, that is, I put on this gorgeous dress that I didn't even give a second look when it was hanging on the rack. But I put it on, walked out, and cried. Guess that solves that problem! Now I just have to wait 8 more months before I can show it to Sweet Boy. It's hard keeping secrets!

Sweet Boy came home with me this weekend. It was so nice to just relax and spend time together...not worry about other people or a timeline we had to follow. We spent hours putting a Christmas puzzle together with my parents, that's how relaxed we were. I think we both needed that. I think our relationship needed that. It brought us back together; away from the stress of finals and moving and roommates and everything else. Now it feels like we are almost back in the beginning of our relationship, when things were still new and exciting. No more fighting, no more miscommunications, no more distant and hurt feelings. Like I said, it was just what we needed.

Now I just have to get used to being back at home and under my parent's roof; it's going to be a challenge! But I start my job tomorrow and have a lot of Christmas shopping and decorating to keep me busy for now. Oh yeah, and a lot of unpacking to do!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Smell of Comfort

This morning, while doing laundry, I came across a T-shirt Sweet Boy let me borrow over Thanksgiving. I couldn't help but stop and smell it. It still smelled just like him.
Instantly, I was transported to a time where he was deployed and I went to smell his shirt, and his smell was no longer there. I could remember how heartbroken I felt. How I crumbled to the floor of my closet, wondering if I would ever know his smell again.
To me, that smell is a form of comfort, a piece of home. I can't imagine never being able to breathe him in again. To never have his arms wrapped around me so tightly that his smell is the only thing near me would be heartbreaking. I can't imagine living without him in my life.
As I stood there, in the laundry room, thousands of memories flooded my brain. He has been such a constant in my life. I am so lucky to have him home right now. I am so glad he is here for the holidays. We are beginning to create our own traditions along with making more memories.
I know one day I may gripe about all the laundry I have to do once we are married, especially after a long day of him being out in the field, but for now, I don't mind. I don't mind having a reason to be reminded why I love him so much and how wonderful it feels when he hugs me so tight.