Friday, March 18, 2011

Until Midnight

As I sit here writing this, I am mere minutes away from my birthday. Another year older. And he isn't here. It is bittersweet. I so wish he was here with me, but I am very excited about this new year ahead of me.
As I sit here and reflect on this last year of my life, I can only think of how much it has changed. I reconnected with the most amazing man I have met. He has filled my life with so much joy. We have gone through one of the hardest things I could imagine. We have been torn apart by something out of our control. I fell for him hard. I have missed him more and more with each passing day. I can't wait to be with him again.
I think back on all of the things we have done together. We had a lot of "first"s this year. First time going to a wedding together. First time being in my college town together. First time meeting our new friends. First time we had to knowingly say goodbye together. I'm afraid we've had a lot of lasts, too. We just had our last night time chat of this year. And it hurts that it had to be on the computer.
I am heartbroken he can't be here. Tomorrow may be the hardest day I've gone through yet. I must stay positive. I must keep in mind that I have an amazing guy who is thinking of me on this day. I will be without him physically, but not emotionally. He will always be with me in my heart. Right where he belongs. I am so glad my friends will surround me tomorrow. They will be the only thing to keep my mind occupied.
I will be okay. Tomorrow is a day just like any other. But I know it will be filled with joy and laughter no matter what. My soldier's love will not be ignored. He will be with me in spirit. And that'll be just fine. For now.

I will sit here and reflect on this year. Replay all the memories in my head; the good and the not so good. They all got me where I am today. I will think of all of this and look forward to what is to come in this new year of my life.

Until midnight.

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