Sunday, March 6, 2011

Breathe him in

Tonight my soldier called me. I was finishing watching a show with my roommate. He told me he would let me watch the rest of my show and call me back in a few minutes. Then I got a message from him on the computer saying he would be gone for the rest of the night. And my heart is broken. It is so hard to find the balance of keeping my life normal, but keeping our relationship going strong. My heart fell from my chest to the bottom of my feet when I saw that message, and it hasn't returned yet. Weekends are always hard. Those are the times where I miss him the most. Days where I sit around doing nothing make me wish he was there doing the same. I know my tears won't make things better, but sometimes all I can do is cry. I'm tired of him being gone. I want him back.
Before he left, I stole one of my favorite shirts of his. I hung it up in my closet. It was a reminder that he would be coming back to me. It still had his smell on it--until yesterday. I was reorganizing my closet last night and decided to see if I could catch a hint of his smell and feel him in the room with me. But I couldn't. It was the last thing I had of him, and just like that, it was gone. I immediately regretted even trying to get his scent. I would rather think it is there and not long for it knowing I can't get it back.
I can't wait for the day where I see him walking up to me. And I will give him the biggest hug I could imagine. And I will breathe him in again.


  1. My husband sent me a shirt of his for christmas. It was the sweetest thing he has ever given me. He taped it shut in a plastic bag to be sure the smell remained.
    This is awful but I haven't taken it out ... I don't want that smell to go away. I keep telling myself I am saving it for when I need it - when it feels like the worst day.

    Hang in there. One day at a time. Each day is one day down.