Jealousy

This is going to be a short post because I am home and only have my iPad and not my computer...but I wanted to share something.

Today I found out a friend of my soldier came home...a lot earlier than my soldier. I know they weren't in the same place or part if the same group so it shouldn't effect me, but it still hurts.

I'm jealous.

There. I said it. I am very jealous. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled he is home and safe again, but I wish my soldier was home too. And it isn't days earlier we are talking about. It is a significant anmount of time.
Why can't my soldier be home too? Why can't he call me from his own cellphone again? It doesn't make things easier. Thinking about our friend coming home today just made it worse. I had to face the fact that he is still there, although some of his friends are coming home. My soldier is still out there. My soldier is still facing danger. I had to come to grips with the fact that it isn't as soon as I would hope for that he would be back in my arms. Another girl has her boyfriend home and although I am very happy for her, I wish my solider was back with me.

I tried to hang out with his younger sister and older brother tonight but it just didn't work out. I try so hard to keep in contact with his family- to let them know that they aren't the only ones going through this and give them some information when they don't hear from him for a few weeks because he has made the choice to call me. I try to give them support, but that support isn't always returned. I guess they are used to him being gone between schools and training and all the other times he has to leave. It just comes with the job. But I want them to help me feel better. The only other support system I have who understands lives 4 states and 15 hours away. I wish they would help me feel better. His mom is great, the other ones are just busy living their own lives that I'm not really part of. And that is fine. We aren't married, they aren't my family, but I still wish I could talk to them a little more. I can't decide if I will tell him about this tonight....I don't want to stress him out more. I guess we will see.

Okay. Rant is over. I just had to get frustrations and hurt feelings off my chest. Thanks for sticking with me.