A quick week recap

This past week was very stressful. I was averaging less than 5 hours of sleep a night and all of the other hours of the day were consumed with class, studying, and projects. It was madness. And next week is finals! So my stress level is through the roof right now.
When I finally made it out of my last class, the sun was shining and there was not a cloud in the sky. A perfect start to the weekend. And what did I want to do? Pick up my phone to call my soldier and tell him how glad I was that this ridiculous weekend was over. But I couldn't. You would think that by now I would remember not to try to call him. I guess I will never fully accept that he isn't here. I will always want to call him and be around him and tell him all about my day right when I want to. But I can't.
Just make it to the car I kept telling myself. Just one more block. Just make it there. The stress of this week and the lack of sleep hit me like a wave rolling over my body. All I wanted was sleep. All I wanted was my solier. I knew I couldn't make it.
I kept walking as fast as I could. My hands grabbed my keys from my pocket and fumbled them around. I reached the crosswalk where my car waited for me on the other side of the road. The light wouldn't let me cross. I just wanted to go home and get back in bed.
When I finally got to my car, it happened. I reached out and touched the door handle as the tears pooled out from my eyes. And when I turned on the car and a sappy "I miss you" song came on the radio, I lost it. But I composed myself before I walked in my front door. Sometimes all we need is that little moment to ourselves to let out our weaknesses.

And then I turned on the news and saw the devistation the tornados caused the next state over. And just two hours up the road people were hit, too. It is hard to remember other people have it a lot worse than we do. Yes, I am going through something terrible and facing it as brave as I can every day. But there are people going through a nightmare just down the street. It is hard to forget how lucky we can be. I know, at least for now, that my soldier is safe. I am safe. My friends are safe. I have a home to go back to. My thoughts and prayers are with those affected by the horrific storms.

Thankfully I had the Royal Wedding to look forward to. I woke up at 5 a.m. and made muffins with my roommate (from the bag....don't worry, I'm not that crazy). Then we put all of our pillows and blankets on the floor and seven of us piled on top of the floor and got ready to watch it. The wedding was beautiful. And her dress? Don't even get me started. All of the girls were saying how their boyfriends thought they were stupid for geting up so early and watching a wedding of people we didn't even know. Little did they know, I got a message from my soldier saying, "Good royal morning, baby" and it made my day. I am so blessed to have someone who understands me so well.

I hope everyone else is happy and safe. Keep the tornado victims in your prayers as well as our service members. They all need our love and support right now. I can't wait for my soldier to be safe in my arms again.

No Greater Love

This week, and the one following, is going to be just dreadful. Finals start next week, and most of my professors assigned tests for this week. How does that? So this week, my life will be consumed with tests, papers, and projects galore. It will be good to be so busy and not have to think about too much of other things, but I still could use a break. I guess I can sleep after next week, right before summer classes start. Yes, it will be a very busy summer indeed. I just keep reminding myself to push through and it will all (hopefully) be worth it in the long run.

I got a text from one of my very best friends yesterday. I have made something for you and I hope you will love it. I was hoping it would be a brownie or cupcake since I really wasn't expecting anything. But what I got was so much better!
She walked in my apartment and handed me a painted canvas. When I looked down, I saw a picture of me and my soldier. It was one of my very favorites. It is us kissing in the snow, while snowflakes are still falling around us.
Next to the picture, she painted the words There's no greater love than the one between a soldier & the girl he is fighting for. It took my breath away. It was so simply put and so beautiful. I know it will be something I will treasure for a long time. I can't wait to hang it up and look at it every day.

Last night, my soldier went to bed before I really had a chance to talk to him and tell him about the picture. However, I got an email from him this morning telling me to check the mail for a package. So after my class, I went to my apartment complex's office and picked up my package. I had no clue what it could be. I hadn't asked for anything. I hadn't even given any hints to wanting anything. He did it all on his own and it made it that much better.
When I opened the box, I could not help but bust out laughing. I really wish he could've been there to see my face. I looked down to find a new pair of hiking shoes; grey, pink, and brown of course. I guess this is a not-so-subtle hint that he wants us to go hiking together. But that is okay with me, because at least it means that he is making plans for us; plans for us to do things together again soon. Just like a real couple.
These shoes are the same brand of shoes he is wearing today. When I think about that, and how simple it is, it makes me very happy. I am hoping that when I wear them in the coming weeks to break them in, I will feel closer to him. I can't wait to see what kinds of adventures they take me on this summer. For once, I am actually excited about going on extra long walks. It will be even better when he can be here to walk with me.

These two random surprises meant so much to me. They both showed the love for me and my soldier, and they both will help give me a good outlook on this week. This love I have for my soldier is greater than I have ever known. The love and kindness he shows me still amazes me. And whether it is a picture or a simple pair of shoes, small tokens of this love reminds me why I am lucky to have him. And I am so lucky, every single day.

Countdowns

I pulled out my calendar and put together all the dates of important things I have coming up. Just thought I'd share!

I am counting down to....

• Finishing this semester
• Starting summer classes
• Seeing my soldier again (fingers crossed it can be added on this timeline!)
• Moving into my new townhouse
• Starting my senior semester
• Meeting my niece for the first time!

I am so excited about all of these things. I just hope it all works out in such a short time frame! I am also still in the process of planning a trip with my soldier...but it hasn't gone far. Life has been super crazy and I can't wait to see where it takes us next!

Easter Sunday

It was wonderful to be with my brothers this weekend. It was just what I needed. My family always makes me feel better.
During the service this morning, the preacher spoke about freedom. He talked about previous wars fought such as the civil war. He told of the love and compassion each soldier, from then until today, has shown while fighting for this freedom. It was a passion each soldier held that led us to a freedom we often take advantage of.
When the preacher started talking about this, my oldest brother reached out and put his arm around me. It was the touch that I needed. It was the reassurance that everything is going to be okay. He brought comfort to me when I really needed it and it meant so much to me. Whether he did it due to the subject matter of the lesson or just because he felt like it, it still was the kind touch I needed.

The soldiers out there are fighting for our freedom. My boyfriend is fighting for our freedom. The freedom to go to church today and to hear a message from a preacher. The freedom to sit here and tell you all about it. How magically wonderful is that? I think we all, myself included, often forget what all they are fighting for. Freedom. Freedom for me, and freedom for you.
Not everyone is able as lucky as we are. Not everyone can share the same experiences. We are able to do so much in our everyday lives.
We can go to church. We can go to school. We can live where we want to. We can drive a car. We can speak to whom ever we want. How great is that? How simple is that?
If anything, the power of our freedom should overwhelm us. We should want to thank every single person who has fought to give us our freedom, but I know this won't happen. All I can do is be thankful for my freedom and do what I can to show my gratitude. If everyone can do their part by thanking every service member they can, this country will become more aware of how important these people are to our every day lives.

In other news, today I felt my niece kick for the first time. We were on the couch and my sister-in-law put my hand on her tummy and I felt her kick/rollover/whatever four times! It was perfect because she wouldn't even do it for my brother (the soon-to-be uncle, not the father). I told my soldier about it and I know he was jealous, but still excited for me. I know he wishes he could be here for all of the excitement. I just hope he will be home in time for her to be born. He sends me links all the time of baby clothing he is looking for to send my brother and sister-in-law. It is adorable how excited he is. It is a big step our family is going to take and I hope he will be here for it. He really wants to be here for her. He wants to be here for my family...and that makes me happy beyond words.

Lucky and Blessed

This weekend, I am spending time with my brothers and their wives. I love having us all together. My brothers mean everything to me. They have been there every time I needed them. They are two of the best guys I've ever met and I am so blessed to have them as my brothers.
But while we were all out tonight, something was missing. Something felt off. We all were thinking of my soldier. We all were missing him. He completes me and my family and I can't wait to have him back here with us. I can't wait for things to feel whole again.
He sent me an email earlier. It was a picture of him. Apparently he got a hair cut--shortest I've ever seen it! There was hardly any left! This was the first time I have seen a recent picture of him that wasn't coming over a grainy computer screen. It was him, and it was wonderful.

There are little reminders every day that are in my life as to how lucky I am. Some of my really good friends are going through hard times with their boyfriends. We all sat down and tried to talk everything out- to find answers in a confusing situation. They talked about how they didn't know if they were going to last and talked about all their fears. It broke my heart to hear how unhappy that they can feel in their relationships. Granted, it isn't every day that they feel this way, but it is still enough to bring it up to the closest of friends.
They looked at me and told me how lucky I was. How they were jealous of the relationship my soldier and I share. I was so torn; I wanted to tell them that everything wasn't as it seems and that their relationship is probably couldn't be as bad as they were saying. But as they sat there talking about every little thing that gets under their skin, I realized I didn't have any story to contribute. I didn't have anything to complain about. I didn't have a story to share of how he treated me bad. And this made me so happy for myself, but so sad that my friends didn't have the same feelings I did about my relationship.
Now, I am not naive, I know things aren't all sunshine and roses. My soldier and I have disagreements and things we have to compromise on, but we still have so much overflowing love and respect for one another. He really is my best friend and I am so lucky to have him in my life. No matter what.

Blessings in Disguise

How great is technology?

We can now keep track of people hundreds, even thousands of miles away. I have been so blessed to be able to hear from my soldier on a semi regular basis. We can send emails, instant message each other,and he can call me whenever he gets a chance. I often get to hear his voice and his sweet laugh. I don't even mind the little delay on the phone. Sometimes I can wake up to see his kind and loving words on my computer screen. Thanks to technology, our relationship had continued to to grow. Our love has remained strong. We have learned to communicate even better. We have learned who we are as individuals and as a couple. We have seen what life is like apart, and we have decided we do not like it.

But in addition to keeping my relationship strong with my soldier, it has given me a great opportunity to build friendships with people I otherwise would have no chance to. These friends have lifted me up in a way I have never felt before and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

I have been able to keep up with other blogs of people in a position much like mine, and I know they are a big reason why I can breathe a little easier. These women help me to know that I am not alone. It is really cool to see similarties between me and these complete strangers! If you don't follow many other blogs, I suggest you seek them out. And if you do follow more blogs (or if you keep up with my blog but aren't an official follower) leave me a comment and let me know of these blogs! I am always looking for more.

I was introduced to a particular blog a few months ago by a good friend of mine (I'll talk about her next!).  I have read her posts about her husband and her children and I feel like I am peeking in on her life and almost get to know her personality and her family. The writer from To Love A Soldier opens her heart to all of her readers and her posts are both comical and soothing.

We have posted comments on each other's blogs a few times and she has always been very encouraging. Tonight, as I was out walking some nature trails with two of my girlfriends, I got a message on my phone. It was from her! She was online and saw I was logged on my email from my phone. She said she just wanted to check in on me and see how I was doing. How sweet was that? I was really happy to hear from her.

I have a dear friend who is a fellow Army girlfriend (well-- technically she is a fiance now!). I have written about her a few times on here before. Although she lives in Texas and I am still over here in Georgia, we have developed a great friendship. I wouldn't be able to make it through some days without her guiding me along. She always knows the right thing to say to lift me up.

Our friendship started a few months ago after our (then) boyfriends introduced us to each other one weekend. We then began to communicate via facebook and then exchanged numbers. At first, we would only talk when we had a question or comment about our Army men. Then over time we began to learn about one another and now I consider her a very close friend and someone I can always talk to (about anything!) and she will always be there to listen.

Whenever one of us is having a bad day, when our situation seems to be too much to take, we complain to each other. I don't know about her, but she is usually the very first person, and sometimes the only person, that I talk to when missing my soldier becomes too hard. I lean on her a good amount and she is always there to prop me back up.

We both had a few rough days at the same time last week and we were trying to be there for one another, but we both just wanted to vent with and wanted someone cry with if need be. And sometimes, that is all we can really ask for; to have someone there who understands and is dealing with the same thing.

She sent me a text message this afternoon which brought tears to my eyes. The encouraging words were something I really needed to hear, so I thought I would share them here in case someone else could use a helping hand tonight.

I've been thinking about you and hope you are feeling better. I am in the middle of this Army wives book and read this and wanted to share it. "It's hard not to struggle sometimes, to be 'Army Strong'  and get through it all. But that's not what God wants for you. He says to you, 'Cate, it's okay to be weak today, I will be strong for you. Just wait on me and stop trying to hold yourself together. Let me help you. Let me be with you. Let me love you.'

These words felt so powerful to me. I feel so much better now. I know with friends like her, I can make it through anything.

In this crazy life we lead, we need people to support us. I have found an amazing group of girls who I would otherwise not ever know. We need each other. We may not have our significant others with us to talk to every day, but we always have each other. We understand what the other is going through and we can offer support based on our past experiences. In the end, that's all we really need: someone to show us the love we need, whether it is our friends or complete strangers we have not met and might not ever meet. How lucky am I to have these people in my life? We all have a special bond between us that can never be taken away. We lose the ones we love for an extended amount of time, but we gain strong friendships with people we would otherwise not know. And that just might be our little blessing in disguise.

A distant address

I miss my soldier a lot right now. It is really starting to bug me.

We got to talk a little last night, but when he tried to call me, the phone cut off--twice. At first he tried to (jokingly) blame me since I was traveling from home back to school and most of the time the service isn't the best. But once he thought about it, he knew that there was no way it was my fault...for once. Then he left to get some food and said he would call me in about half an hour when he knew I wouldn't be driving and it would be easier to talk to him, and I have not heard from him since.
I think it is probably harder tonight because I have been waiting to hear from him since 9 last night. I should know better to get my hopes up. I got a call in the middle of the night. Is it him? No. A friend of mine wanted to call and chat (at one in the morning? that's a different story...) I heard my text message sound at 3:30 am. I know that has to be him. Wrong again. Just someone else trying to talk to me. And every time my phone has gone off today, I have had the slightest hope that it would be him, but I just haven't been that lucky yet.
We usually get to talk on Sundays so it is really bumming me out that I haven't heard from him. I feel like I have so much to talk to him. All boring and not important things, but still things that I have kept in mind to be able to tell him.
I want him here to go to church, go to lunch, and sit around with me. I just want to hold his hand. I want to go to bed again and not have to worry about where he is. I want to know where he is everyday and I want to know that he is safe. I miss him.
I'm glad my roommates are here with me. We all went to lunch, watched wedding shows, and Space Jam (that's right...that 90's movie with Looney Toons and Michael Jordan. not as good as we remembered though...) and are currently cooking steak for dinner. Not too shabby for a Sunday. So at least I have that going.
His family and my parents have been asking for his address. I feel like the go between. It is hard to be constantly reminded he is so far away. His address seems so distant. I want his address to be closer to mine. I want to share the same area code at least. I don't want him to be so far away anymore.
All I can hope for right now is a phone call tonight. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Jealousy

This is going to be a short post because I am home and only have my iPad and not my computer...but I wanted to share something.

Today I found out a friend of my soldier came home...a lot earlier than my soldier. I know they weren't in the same place or part if the same group so it shouldn't effect me, but it still hurts.

I'm jealous.

There. I said it. I am very jealous. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled he is home and safe again, but I wish my soldier was home too. And it isn't days earlier we are talking about. It is a significant anmount of time.
Why can't my soldier be home too? Why can't he call me from his own cellphone again? It doesn't make things easier. Thinking about our friend coming home today just made it worse. I had to face the fact that he is still there, although some of his friends are coming home. My soldier is still out there. My soldier is still facing danger. I had to come to grips with the fact that it isn't as soon as I would hope for that he would be back in my arms. Another girl has her boyfriend home and although I am very happy for her, I wish my solider was back with me.

I tried to hang out with his younger sister and older brother tonight but it just didn't work out. I try so hard to keep in contact with his family- to let them know that they aren't the only ones going through this and give them some information when they don't hear from him for a few weeks because he has made the choice to call me. I try to give them support, but that support isn't always returned. I guess they are used to him being gone between schools and training and all the other times he has to leave. It just comes with the job. But I want them to help me feel better. The only other support system I have who understands lives 4 states and 15 hours away. I wish they would help me feel better. His mom is great, the other ones are just busy living their own lives that I'm not really part of. And that is fine. We aren't married, they aren't my family, but I still wish I could talk to them a little more. I can't decide if I will tell him about this tonight....I don't want to stress him out more. I guess we will see.

Okay. Rant is over. I just had to get frustrations and hurt feelings off my chest. Thanks for sticking with me.

Memories

Last night, as got ready for bed, I thought about my soldier. But I didn't think of all of the wonderful things we are going to do when we are reunited, I thought about all the great memories we have already made together. We have come so far in the short time we have been together. So many fabulous memories that will last a long time.

I remember when he decided to come up with me to move me into my new apartment. We had been on maybe two or three dates at this point, but neither one of us were ready to say goodbye. He was such a good sport and helped me move things all around, and hang up pictures, and go back and forth to the store, and do everything I could've asked for. After that weekend, the first time we spent an extended amount of time together (minus the time he spent sleeping at a friend's place), I knew he was the one for me. We connected so well. He treated me like a princess.

I remember the first time I visited him. He was so excited. He took me around town to show me everything. He called his friends and banged on the doors of people he knew were in town to show me off. The first time I met the two of his friends I am closest with, I was drenched from the rain and had his huge sweatshirt that swallowed me. Not my best outfit, but he didn't care.

I remember when we went to visit our parents for the weekend and he told me he had a surprise date for me. My mom and I went all around town to find a dress and shoes since I was unprepared to actually go out to a nice dinner. When he showed up at my house, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I still remember his outfit: khaki pants, a yellow button down, a pink tie, and a navy blazer. He looked so handsome. He took me to a very nice place for dinner, where I had been wanting to go since it had opened, and then out to see a MoTown band. And we danced the night away. He made me feel like I was the only girl around for miles.

I remember when we ordered Chinese food at his place one night. We didn't feel like going out that night. We wanted to stay in and just spend time together. Once the Chinese food was delivered, we realized there wasn't a table to put everything on. So I sat on the bed, he put his bedside table in front of me, and he sat in a dinky beach chair he had in his closet. We sat there across from each other, turned off the T.V. and just enjoyed our time together. It was so romantic. We don't have to always go out to have a good time. If we are together, we are going to have a good time.

There are so many other detailed filled memories I could share here. All of our dates, and walks together, and all the times we laughed at one another. I can't wait for him to be with me again. I can't wait to make more memories that will last a lifetime. But right now, I am happy with the times we have shared. Thinking about all of the things we have done together makes me so excited to see where time takes us. I'm so ready to have my best friend back with me. I am counting down the days.

Absent

I know I haven't posted anything in a while, and my last post didn't end on a good note, but things have been super busy. I just wanted to let my readers know that everything is doing fine. We are all doing fine. I've still been on edge and it worries me a little more when the phone doesn't ring when I expect it to. I still lay there at night wondering where he is, but when I do get to communicate with him, everything is fine.
I always thought I would breathe better towards the end, but it seems as though I find myself holding my breath more and more. It is almost like I am on the edge of my seat when I don't hear from him. I worry about him more since we are so close to our goal. I just want to be in his arms again and I am so afraid that will be taken away from me.
But when I do actually get to hear from him, it is wonderful. The phones haven't been working so it has been awhile since I have heard his voice, but last night I got an email from him with one line and it was all I ever needed to hear. I love you. So simple, yet something so cherrished. I love that man and I can't wait to have him here with me. I'm ready for my life to seem normal again. I'm ready for a routine that makes sense. I'm so ready.
I spent this weekend with some distant family members and they all asked about him and how we were doing. We are doing better than I could imagine - I am doing better than I imagined. I have still remained happy through all of this...somehow. It is his love for me that drives me forward. He is my rock that I lean on when I am having a bad day. I may not hear from him all the time, but his comfort and his strength is still felt during his absence.
He may be miles away from me, but he is never far from my heart. My thoughts and my prayers are constantly filled with his face, his voice, his spirit. I know once we see one another, it will be like no time has passed. He is all I need to feel complete. With him, I know I can make it through anything.

Put to a halt

Tonight he called way earlier than I usually hear from him. It was great! For once, I wasn't practically falling asleep on the phone while talking. I fell asleep on him last night and I felt bad for that so I was hoping to make up for it today.
We got to talk about wonderful things. We talked about taking our vacation together. We thought of many ideas of places we could go and things we could see. We talked about me moving into my new apartment. We picked out some furniture together that hopefully will be used after college life and in a different town. We started making plans for things to do when he was back; and it felt real. Simply perfect.
When we were on the phone, he told me to hold for a second. He held the phone away from him and I heard muffled voices. "Honey, I gotta go. I will try to call you later. I love you. Bye." And that was it. I've never heard him get off the phone in such a hurry. It bothered me. I still feel on edge. I'm sure it was completely innocent, but the manner he got off the phone made me feel uneasy.
I sat there and looked at my phone for a while, hoping it would light back up with his phone call. Or I would get a message from him telling me things were okay. Maybe he was hungry and they told him the last slice of pizza was about to get eaten if he didn't hurry up. Maybe his friends needed one more member on their pick-up soccer team. Maybe it was his turn to play a video game. Maybe, maybe...
Now I am left alone, thinking of the thousands of possiblities of things he is doing tonight. I'm jumping at every noise, hoping it is my phone ringing. I hate sitting around and thinking of every reason why he can't talk to me.
It may be another sleepless night I've been having lately. Between staying up at all hours to study, getting woken up by storms, and woken up by terrifying dreams, it is a wonder I'm not a zombie at this point. Is it really only Tuesday? But I will wait to hear from him all night, even if that means falling asleep while holding my phone in my hands.
It is all just a part of the waiting game. But I promised him, no matter what, that I would wait. And wait I will. He will come home to me. He will hold me again. He will. He will...

Not a case of the Mondays

The phone rang while I was in class. I didn't know the number, but couldn't answer it anyway. I let it go to voicemail. I figured it was a wrong number. I was confused when I saw they actually left a voicemail- no one really does that anymore it seems like unless it is something important...or my mother. I checked it while I walked back to my apartment. " This message is for Cate. I'm from Jeanie's Flowers. We left your package at the office of your apartment building." My face could hardly contain my smile. My legs weren't moving fast enough to keep walking the six blocks I still had left to go.
I couldn't believe it. He sent me flowers. I feel like I am still in shock. It is crazy how something so simple could mean so much to me. Any case of the "Mondays" I had went straight out the window.
He woke up early to catch the flourist and make arrangements. He even figured out what time I would be in class and when I would be home today. The timing could not have been any better.
How lucky am I that even when he is thousands of miles away, he still thinks of me. Still cares enough to show me how much he loves me. How lucky am I that I have an amazing man to call my own? And very soon, he will be coming back to me. He makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. With or without flowers.
Today gave me the reassurance that I can do this. We can do this. We are beating this. As long as I have him to back me up and support me, I can do anything. It is the hope and the dream that he will be coming back to me that keeps me going. His love for me fuels my every move each day. I don't want to know who I would be if I did not have him.
In this short time, I have grown so much. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned my breaking points and what really is important to me. I love the person I have turned into. I am more secure and more sure about myself. I have become more trusting. I have grown to really love and appreciate the little things.
This is what growing up means. This is what love means. My soldier has shown me how to really, deeply, and honestly put someone else before me. He has shown me the important things in life. He has shown me what it means to love someone, and have that love in return. It is an amazing feeling.
These flowers were a small token of his affection. I will never forget them. Even his mother was stunned. She sure did raise a good guy; I must give her props for that! He has such a kind and tender heart and I am just beyond blessed to have him in my life. Even if I haven't seen him in a number of days which is just way too much, when I do see him it will make it that much sweeter when we are reunited.
I will put the vase of flowers next to my bed so they can brighten up my room and I can continue to smile about them. Although I can't smell his skin when I sleep, I will be able to smell the scent of the flowers he sent. I can roll over and see them as the last thing I see before I go to bed and the first thing I see when I wake up. Hopefully they will bring me sweet dreams as their sweet smell dances around me as I sleep. Hopefully the dreams will soon become reality.

One of "those" Days

I hate to admit it, but there are days that I have to force myself to get out of bed. It takes all the strength I can find to keep going. There are times where I want to just stay in my room and not think about anything. Today is one of those days.
Some days it just knocks me off my feet. It hits me all over again that he isn't here and I feel so alone. I retreat to my bedroom so my funk doesn't rub off on anyone else. I feel as though my friends are tired of hearing about it. I can't say I blame them- I'm tired of talking about it; I'm tired of dealing with it.
It makes me feel good that my friends and family constantly ask about him. I'm so glad he is accepted by all of them. If it wasn't for my friends, I could not make it through this.
We had the longest video chat we've ever had this week. A total of 20 minutes. Although the quality was terrible and there was a delay every now and then, it was so good to see his face in real time. To see him laugh as I heard it. I don't remember the last time we were able to have a video chat. It was almost unreal to see him.
I had a long talk with his mom yesterday. She shared some stories with me I had never heard. She told me how much her son love and adored me. Hearing that from her was one of the best feelings. I could not stop smiling. It was a great gift she gave me.
Since music is a big part of my life, I've been listening to sappy songs all day. When that is mixed with hours of wedding shows has not helped me feel any better. Go figure. I guess today is just a "feel sorry for yourself" day. A mental health day; we are all entitled to those every now and then, right?
Don't get me wrong- in no way am I depressed. Quite the opposite. I am so happy with my life. I am so lucky. I am so lucky to have my friends and my family. I am so lucky to have my soldier. I am so lucky that he is safe. I am so lucky we have this love to share.
I just wish he was here. I want to walk down at the river like we so often did. I would love to go on a picnic with him. I would love to snuggle up next to him and watch nonsense television. I miss him. I can't say that enough.
Out at a party last night, I overheard a conversation between some of my friends, one of which is in the Reserves. Of course when boys get together they want to seem macho and manly and talk about blood, guts, and gore. But some of the things they were saying were really bothering me. There are times where you have to pick your battles, and I just had to walk away.
People's ignorance astounds me. They don't often take in consideration other people's feelings and emotions. They say things just to get a rise out of others. It drives me insane.
As time goes by, days seem to drag on. Sometimes I wonder if he will ever be back with me. Sometimes missing him is too hard to take. There are days where I just need to stay in my pajamas, order take out, and watch movies all day. Today is one of those days.
But tomorrow will be a new day. Tomorrow will be a new opportunity to prove that I am alright. Tomorrow I will wake up, take a deep breath, and start over. But tonight, I will lean on my friends and stay in the comfort of my own bed, where nothing else can bother me.