Something to keep me busy

Good news!

 That job I talked about a few weeks ago

 finally called me back!

 I have an interview tomorrow!

 Eeep!

 I'm so excited

 and nervous.

 This couldn't have come at a better time. 

This will really help keep me busy 

and we could all use a few bucks on the side. 

I can't wait to tell Sweet Boy.

I know he will be 

happy for me.

This is a new step

in starting our lives together!

I will actually have my 

own savings

to contribute when we go to buy 

anything!

Wish me luck!

A glimmer of hope

I went to the mailbox for the first time in two days since I am still battling the dreaded sinus infection and can't seem to find my way out of bed other than to go to my classes. I opened the mailbox and my stomach flipped over. We FINALLY had mail! I reached in and grabbed the envelope and turned it over to ecstatically see my name....in the handwriting of my father. My dad sent me a little love note in the mail and I know I shouldn't be bummed about it, but I was really hoping this time it would be from Sweet Boy. I've almost given up expecting a letter from him. It'll come eventually. I have faith.
This got me thinking about how amazing my friends and family have been. They are all so kind and encouraging. They ask me all the time how I'm doing and if I have heard from Sweet Boy. Some have stepped up and have started calling me and offering help with the wedding planning. I feel so overwhelmed without him here to help me. I want it to be perfect, but I want him here to help me with everything.
Mainly, I'm just mopey, sick, and a ball full of emotions. I can't wait to go home this weekend and see my family and hopefully start feeling better. I'm sure that will help.


PS I finally got my Chinese food :)

All fuzzy headed

I have a sinus infection.

I feel gross,

miserable, 

tired,

pathetic....

Besides my classes at 8 and 2

I've been in bed

all

day 

long.

I tried to order Chinese food

because that was the only thing

that could possibly make me feel better.

But they never answered. 

According to my friend's Facebook status, 

they may be closed.

Poop.

I'm on all kinds of 

medicine.

Thanks to the lovely 

health center at my school.

I'm still not quite sure if they are helping.

Other than that,

I've just been sleeping,

and catching up on my unseen episodes

of

Pretty Little Liars.

If you haven't seen it, 

you are missing out.

At least being 

sick

distracted me from

wanting to check the mail

every

five 

minutes.

Any kind of communication 

from Sweet Boy

would be greatly appreciated.

Does anyone send smoke signals anymore?

Another week down

As of this morning, it has been a week since I've talked to Sweet Boy. I know that doesn't sound long, but we have at least 8 more weeks to go before we can talk again. Thankfully this week didn't drag on too much, but today just won't end soon enough. I'm ready to get back to classes (you won't hear me say that often) so I can have stuff to keep my mind off of not talking to him.
Yesterday, my parents called and asked if I wanted to go shopping 2 hours away. Well of course I had nothing better to do! So it was a nice treat to see them and to get some new clothes compliments of my mommy! It was such a nice break to get out of the old college town and forget that I have a crazy schedule of tests and papers coming up real soon.
It was really hard to get up this morning for some reason. I just really miss Sweet Boy. I was hoping that if I stayed in bed, this day would go by so much faster. I was wrong. I've already checked the mailbox about 5 times since he left. And yes, I did even check twice in one day. I just really want to hear from him. I'm hoping these next 8 or so weeks fly by and there are no more delays to keep us apart. These days of not talking really get me down.
I hope all of you out there stayed safe during the hurricane! Did you see this?

source

Even through the storm, the tomb remained guarded. When I saw this picture, it instantly gave me chills. What a great country we live in. 

Link up try

Since nearly all of my daily reads link-up, I figured I'd give it a shot today. 

So here is my first link up with 

Goodnight Moon

I'm still in a bit of a funk and missing Sweet Boy

so how appropriate would it be to dedicate my first link up to him?

This song helped me through deployment and still helps me today

when he is at school.

I love you, Sweet Boy.

And I will always wait for you.

Lonesome

It's no secret that I have gotten engaged. My blogger friends know and my real life friends know. Word gets around quickly these days with our advanced technology. It has now been 2.5 months since he put a ring on my finger, but it feels like an eternity. Things have really changed in that short amount of time, but not between me and Sweet Boy like you would think; they have changed between me and my friends.

I've lost a lot of friends. They've just stopped calling me. They're surprised to see me out. They act like I think I am better than them or something.

It is really disheartening. If anything, this is a time where I need my friends to stick by me even more, but they don't seem like they want to. It's not like I can't go out anymore because I am engaged. I still like to hang out with people. I still like to spend time with my friends. I guess they think I'm only going to talk about my fiance or my wedding now. But that just isn't true. I'm still the same person.
There is one girl who is new to my group of friends (new as of April...so not very new) who seems to forget she has met me 7 times by now. And I'm not exaggerating. She's even been to my place twice, when very few other people were there, and she still doesn't care to remember me or talk to me the next time I see her. I don't understand it. I haven't done anything wrong. The only thing that has changed is my relationship status on Facebook.
My new neighbor, the one who is married to the Marine, is having the same problem. Apparently college kids just forget about their friends once they get engaged or married. I'm still here! I'm still taking classes just like you are! My fiance doesn't even live close. Why should anything change?
I'm sitting at home tonight while some of my friends are out at dinner and trivia. I wasn't even asked to go. In all honesty, I probably would not have gone because I have an early class and trivia doesn't even start until 9, but it is still nice to be asked. This has happened a few times already and we've only been back at school for a week. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but still.
I'm worried about how it is actually going to be when I move and get married and join the military life for real. Will I lose even more friends? Will it be even harder for them to accept me? I never thought about how so much would change. I guess I never saw it before because I'm really the first one from our group to get engaged. Maybe that's why no one knows how to handle it.
I really miss Sweet Boy tonight. He always knows how to make me feel better. He knows how to calm me down. I know that I am making the right choice by marrying him, but I still want to hang out with my friends and have a memorable senior year. I hope I don't wish these months away. I want to enjoy them and be able to fondly look back on them. This isn't the way I pictured ending my college career. I just feel so lonely tonight. And there isn't really much that I can do about it. I just want Sweet Boy back. I want him to come home. He feels so far away.

Anniversaries and Friends

Yesterday was my parent's anniversary. They have been married 30 years! Holy cow, that's a long time. I'm so blessed to have them and so thankful for them. I hope Sweet Boy and I can follow in their footsteps.

Sweet Boy finally left (for real this time...I know I said a lot that he was about to leave, but that's Army life for you!) Sunday morning for training. He was able to call me at 6:30 and 9:30 right before he left so we could say goodbye "one last time". I really hope these next few months fly by.
Last night I went out with my new neighbor. We had a class together over the summer when we met and then she moved next door to us the next month. And guess what else? She's married to a marine! So obviously we had an instant connection. But last night we went to dinner and sat there and talked for over 2 hours and we still have a lot to talk about. I think it will be my saving grace this year to live next to and be friends with someone who is in a very similar position as me. It is just nice to have someone who understands.
I miss Sweet Boy a lot already. I thought I was taking things well. Last night I wasn't dreading going to sleep because I hadn't talked to him, so I thought it was a good sign. But this morning, without even thinking about it I was about to reach for my phone and try to text him. Looks like it is going to be a long day already. I really need a hobby...

Ol' Glory

There are often times when people make a comment and it rubs you the wrong way. It strikes a nerve. It takes the breath right out of you.
It doesn't happen to me very often. I tend to be a relatively easy-going person. It usually takes a lot for someone's comments to really bother me. I've learned that somethings are just better left alone. It is better to ignore them than to egg the person on.
But this was not the case this weekend.

This weekend, as my soldier and I were sitting and talking, the subject of how there are many crazy laws and regulations came up. We both nonchalantly nodded in agreement and went on with the conversation. But one person didn't let it go. They wanted their opinion to be known about where they stood on how there are too many crazy laws.
Their argument went as this: This country was built on the idea that we should be allowed to do anything we want. Take the flag for example. If people want to burn it, they should be able to. What's the point of freedom of speech if we can't express it however we want?
I was stunned. Did I just hear that correctly? "I don't think it is right for the flag to be burned," I said.
Yeah, they replied, but do you really think people should get in trouble? Do you really think people should go to jail for that?


When did people become so slack about things? That is the flag that you are talking about. The American flag. The flag that represents our country. The flag that represents us. The flag that represents you. The flag is a symbol for all of the hardships this nation has faced and has come out of.
The flag is not just a piece of cloth. It is a statement. It defines us. It gives us hope. It gives us strength. It reminds us to keep going strong.

The love of my life fights for what that flag represents. He puts his life on the line so that flag can be flown proudly. He has dedicated so much time and effort to preserve everything that flag promises. And you just want to burn it?
Burning it is speaking out against this nation. It is being ungrateful and defiant. It is defeating all that it represents. All the struggles and triumphs we each face daily. Burning it is like saying it is not important-- that it means nothing to you. How can someone think this is okay?

It broke my heart to hear them say this. Not only to me, but to my soldier. He didn't need to hear that. All he should hear is love and respect from that person for giving them the freedom to speak out like that. I was appalled. I still am appalled. And the most terrifying and disheartening thing about it all? I interact with this person nearly daily. They know the situation we are in. They know about how I sit up at night worried about my soldier. Worried about if he will be okay. Worried that he may not make it home. And yet they still defended their statement.

I love my country. I love that flag and everything it represents. I love my soldier with all I have. I will defend all three of these until the day that I die. Will anyone join me?

I need a hobby.

I'm busy getting used to my schedule. Yesterday, I had one class that lasted an hour so I was done for the day by 9 a.m. which at first I thought was awesome, until I got crazy bored. And I'm going to have to do that twice a week. I spent most of the day yesterday cleaning. As I told my roommate "I'm either going to be super bored, or our house is going to be super clean this semester." Housewife in training, right?
But this week I also went to the post office to pick up some stamps for my soldier. I saw all the pretty stamps they had to offer and secretly wished I could buy some with dogs or 'Despicable Me' characters or something that would make my soldier laugh. But then something caught my eye- the purple heart stamps. I knew those would be a lot better to use. I'm really excited about these stamps for some reason, probably more than I should be. But I can't wait to send letters to him with these stamps. I even have a card ready to send to him. But I got a message last night from him and we get to spend one more weekend together! And then it is 'bye-bye' for a few months, this time for sure. But at least for now I have something to look forward to.

Day 1 Complete

I made it through my first day fall semester! And, boy, am I exhausted. The hardest thing, just like many of you know, is getting used to the routine. I have three classes today, one tomorrow. Seems like I could have worked that out a little bit better.
And guess what else?
I applied for a job today. Ok, well it isn't a job job. It's through the school and I don't even really know what it entails besides being on the phone calling old and possible students. My friend did it last year and she said the pay is good and the hours are even better...so I said "sign me up"! So hopefully it will work out because I am slowly starting to come to the conclusion that my soldier and I really are getting married and I need to save as much money for us as I can. Real world, here I come.
I miss my soldier a lot tonight. I wish I could tell him about my day. The last time I got to talk to him, well...the last time we got to text, was a few days back...and he fell asleep. We were talking and everything was fine and then...nothing. No response. It's so hard when they leave. I hate not being able to talk. I hate trying to fill up my time not constantly staring at my phone. But hopefully we will have one more weekend together. Goodness I miss him though.
Guess I should go to bed now, seeing as how I'm such an old lady and have 8 a.m. classes every day. My friends are already hounding me about being engaged and how they "just know" that I won't go out with them any more. Thanks guys. Really appreciate it!

This is a post that many people may not agree with, but it is how I often times feel.


It feels so easy to forget about what is going on in the world. My soldier is home. He is safe.
For many months, I sat up at night and wondered what the next day would bring us. When phone calls were cut short, I prayed I would get another one. When I knew he was going out in the field, I held my breath until I knew he was okay. I went through all of that, and I survived.
Now that he is home, it is like those nights weren't real. Like it was a movie I watched, not how my life really was. It doesn't seem as though that was me crying until there were no tears left in me to cry. It doesn't seem like that was me sleeping with my phone in my hands, waiting to hear from him. But it was.
It is so easy to pick up right where we left off and continue living our lives together. It is easy to forget the hardships that we went through, not knowing when we would see each other again. Sometimes, the concept of "war" doesn't seem to be real. When I look at him, at his sweet face and those beautiful eyes, I don't think of the horrific things he has seen; I think of the lives we are building and the things we will see together.
When we lost those men last week, it all became real again. Luckily, my soldier was with me. He was safe. I was the one to tell him the news as he and my brother sat and played video games. He quickly brushed it off, until I told him the amount of people that were killed, and who they were. Suddenly, we weren't so carefree anymore. It felt like the room was closing in around us.
When we met up with the rest of my family that day, no one spoke a word of it - but they all knew. No one knew how to bring it up to us. We didn't know how to bring it up to anyone. All we knew was we wanted some answers, but we couldn't find them.
I looked at my soldier through new eyes that day. "It could have been him" rang through my mind constantly. That could have been my door the men in uniform were knocking at. It could have been any one of our friends whose family now had to make funeral plans. Thank God it wasn't. But I'm still so sorry it happened at all.
That night, as my soldier sat on the edge of my bed in my brother's guestroom, holding my hand until I fell asleep, I cried. I cried until I couldn't take it any more. I cried until my body gave into sleep. It was the fear of knowing that I could have lost the love of my life, and the sheer guilt and grief over others losing someone so dear to them.
Right now my soldier is safe. I still hear from him about once or twice a day, skipping a few days here and there. But I know he will leave again before we are used to having him home. And we will once again be faced with the idea that someone could knock on my door at any moment to tell me he isn't coming home. I'm scared to lose him. I'm scared to move forward. The world is a scary place right now. I just want things to stay the same where I know he is safe and I know he will be coming home to me soon.

 Isn't that what every one wants?

Lord, bless all the military men and women out there fighting for our country and fighting for our freedom. Bless their families who are putting on a brave face on the home front. Be with the families who are now facing the dreaded notion of continuing their lives without their loved ones. Bring them all home. Keep them all safe. Amen.

Off days

Do you ever have those days where you seem off balance? Where you and your significant other's schedules just don't mesh well?
We are having one of those weeks.
Things already seem so weird being home for the first time longer than a weekend since December! And who knows when I will be back again, so my mom and I have been trying to cram as much wedding planning in as possible. So already I'm feeling out of whack.
But my soldier and I just cannot get a moment to talk. Either he calls when I'm at dinner, out walking the dog, in a meeting with a wedding coordinator or whatever ridiculous activity I have to do where I can't drop everything and grab my phone. It is so frustrating.
I know I should just be thankful that he is home and he is safe; and I am very thankful. But it is so hard to be teased with little phone calls when I can't talk or when I finally do get to talk to him, he has to leave 5 minutes later. And the hardest part is knowing these phone calls are all going to end very soon for a few months. I think that is why it seems so frustrating.
Another hard part is dealing with my friends and family back home who do not understand the military lifestyle. They don't understand that I can't just call him back or why he can't call later. They don't understand why they can't know all the details about what he is doing (details that I can't even know). They don't understand why I seem like such a slacker fiance and don't care about what he is doing at every moment of the day. I've run out of ways of explaining it to them. I've tried over and over again to tell them that we just have to roll with the punches. It is hard to make our plans revolving around him when he doesn't know his own plan hour by hour. It is just so difficult to brush it all off and hope that they understand eventually. They won't. You don't understand this life until you are living it. I just wish someone had given me advice before I went into it. Thank goodness for my blogging friends and a few other military girlfriends/fiances/wives to help guide me through everything. I don't know how else I could do it.

Introducing....

Savannah Grace!

My beautiful niece was born on 8/3/11

6 pounds 3 oz 20 inches!

My oldest brother and his wife, aka the proud parents.

She is already MAJORLY spoiled by Aunt Cate.

And we all know I'm her favorite :)

And you know who else got to be there not long after the birth?

My soldier.

I guess some things really do happen for a reason.

Not always quite as planned

Sometimes, things don't always work out.

You help a friend study for a test...

they make an A,

you some how come away with a C...

when you knew more than your friend to begin with.

Your advisor tells you the wrong information

that leads you to believe you will graduate at a certain time,

only to come find it will take at least a semester longer.

"At least" being the key term.

You are given a projected time frame of when life will seem "normal again"

just to have it change 8 times before you can get excited

for the first date.

You talk about your excitement of your upcoming wedding

when someone tells you

they don't agree with getting married so young.

You do all you can

to stay focused and motivated

until new things are piled on you so high

you feel like you are drowning

and will never catch a break.

Life gets complicated sometimes. Especially when everything seems to happen all on the same day. You just have to keep your head up....somehow.

Tomorrow is a new day....I just have to try my best to get there.

Time is speeding up

Things have been moving at warped speed lately! My grandmother's recovery was a bit rocky after her surgery, but the doctors think she should be good to go in a few days. I got to spend time with her and my family (my parents, two aunts and two uncles...somehow I was the only person in my generation around) for two days and that was a great blessing. It is so hard to get my dad and all of his siblings in the same room.
I also learned that my soldier's class was set back a few more weeks. That was a low blow. It was so hard to say goodbye to him and then have him come right back a few days later, knowing that he will have to leave again soon. But we get another weekend together this weekend, which means we get to spend our anniversary together! We are pretty pumped about that....we might even take a few engagement photos.
My niece is getting closer and closer to getting here! I have a bag packed and waiting to get that call. What a blessing it will be if my soldier gets to be here for the birth of our niece. I seriously think he is more excited about the baby coming than some other members of the family. I guess we are just lucky that way haha.
The day after tomorrow I will be DONE with classes finally and on my way to the beach. It is about time. I've been looking forward to a vacation since March. It is well overdue.