Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Mind Tricks

Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us. It makes us think we can see or hear something that isn't really there. It can be really cruel to us.
I made it through just fine yesterday without talking to my soldier. I'm used to him going out to the field every now and then for a few days at a time. My friends keep saying they don't know how I do it. I tell them you just do what you have to. You do what you are used to.
Two nights ago, I talked to my soldier in our normal fashion. We shared parts of our days, which were very boring, and talked about what was in store for the next day. I told him when I was getting up to get ready for school and when I would be in my two classes and when I had a break between them. He told me of all the things he had to do in the morning before he left. He told me what time he was to report and we said we would talk in the morning and quickly said goodbye. He didn't call me in the morning. He didn't call before he went off. I was a little upset but I didn't really think much into it. After all, I'm used to going to 5 or 6 in the evening before I hear from him for the first time any given day. But yesterday wasn't just any day.
I stayed busy between my classes, reading, homework, paper I had to write, and still moving all those boxes to the new place! By the time I went to bed, I was so exhausted I didn't give it much thought.
This afternoon, while in the old apartment alone, I decided to box up some more stuff in my room while I had a chance. The place was quiet. The TV was down low and I was focused on what I was doing. Then I heard the faintest sound of my soldier's ringtone I have for when he calls me. I dropped everything and ran to the living room where my phone was. But it wasn't ringing. My brain had tricked me.
I don't know what is worse; knowing you can't talk to them for awhile and having to accept it, or thinking you are still in your old routine and quickly realizing you are wrong.
I guess there are phases to your "normal". For a few months it is normal to have him sit by you on the couch. And before you know it, it is "normal" for him to be long gone again. I don't like that kind though. I think of it as a small part of our life, but I will never accept it as "normal". My life isn't right or normal without him by my side.

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