Monday, February 21, 2011


It is funny how your emotions sneak up on you. One moment, you are having fun and laughing, then it happens: the split second when something runs across your mind and completely ruins your night. That familiar warm sting hits the back of your eyes and your throat tightens to the point where you are afraid that even if you tried to call out, you couldn't squeek louder than a mouse.

That's how I felt tonight.

I was completely blindsided by how upset I could be. I've had my hard and tearful nights, but this one might be the hardest one yet. And for no reason at all. I was just going about my day and the emotions knocked me off my feet.

We were able to talk last night, but often our conversations hold nothing of importance. Last night was one of those nights. Don't get me wrong, it is always good to hear from him, but I miss the old conversations we used to have; the ones filled with jokes and stories of our days and a place where we could just be ourselves. I always found it as an escape from the mundane activities. But now it has changed. We don't have bad conversations, just...different from what they used to be. I know a lot of couples fight when they spend so much time apart and I am happy to report we haven't had a fight yet; so we have that going for us.

I just really hope to talk to him tonight. It feels like I was sucker-punched in the stomach tonight and the hurt won't go away. I hate being alone. I hate being without him. If there is any sort of "life fast-forward" button out there, someone please let me know. I'll give it right back when I'm done. I promise!

I just want things to go back to normal. I hear things get better with time, but right now it just isn't getting any better. Soon, soon, soon. I have to remind myself many people have had it a lot worse than what we have. At least we still have each other, even if we aren't able to physically be around each other right now. We still have love for one another, and that is what keeps me going on nights like this.

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation" - Khalil Gibran

I hope you are near the ones you love tonight, bloggers. If you are, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If you aren't, then I feel your pain. But I want you to remember: this too shall pass.

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