I could write about the girl who complained to me last week about her failed relationship with a traveling musician. The one who made the comment, "you're lucky...at least you know where he is and he isn't sleeping in another girl's bed". I sat there floored and blankly replied, "but at least he wasn't getting shot at every day".
I could write about the daily comments I get about how people don't know how I go on day after day without Sweet Boy. How one of my friends made the comment of "your long distance relationship shouldn't be called a long distance relationship...they should have a whole different category for it." You would think these comments would build me up, make me feel stronger in my relationship; but they don't.
I could write on and on about all of that, but I won't. I have bigger things to worry about these days.
My parents and I have made the decision that I will be taking off next semester to come home, save money, and plan my wedding. In 6 weeks, I will be leaving the college town I have grown to know over the past 3 or 4 years. I'll be leaving my school, my comfort zone, and my friends. It is so fast and completely bittersweet that I cannot wrap my head around it.
I am ready to go home, ready for a break, ready to be around people where I can complain and talk about Sweet Boy as much as I want and they won't judge me or get annoyed. I'm ready to be Daddy's little girl for just a little while longer. I'm ready to be at the beach and in my own room and with everything that I grew up loving.
But I wish I could stay. I wanted to be in this town so badly for so long. I was ready for my independence. I was ready to go out and make new friends and make a life for myself. I'm not ready to leave that all behind. In a year, yes; but not in six weeks.
I'm worried about how I will tell my friends I am leaving. I am worried about being judged. I'm worried that they think that I am leaving only because I am engaged and never to be heard from again. I'm scared of losing my friends who don't understand that I am making this hard decision based on what is right for me, and for my future husband.
This has been a hard decision. I've thought about it. I've cried about it. I've prayed about it. And honestly, I feel relieved that I finally have an answer. I finally know where I am going, what I am doing. I don't feel like I am floating around and not sure of where my life is going anymore. I could always see the big picture, but now I see how I am getting there.
The hardest part of all of this was deciding it for my own. I couldn't bounce ideas off anyone. I couldn't vent about it and then change my mind the next day. And, most of all, I couldn't tell Sweet Boy.
That's right. He doesn't know. This will be a big change for us, but we can do it. Plus, now I will actually have time to plan